The Holy No

Last year I made friends with my Holy No.

I like people to like me so saying No has always been difficult.

Good friends help each other out no matter what. Being a good friend has been part of my identity for as long as I can remember. But that identity was holding me back.

I was reliable.
I kept my word.
No matter what.
But it had a cost.

Last year I said yes to a collaborative workshop.  As I was working on this workshop past my work hours, my boys were getting ready to go the the beach.

Mom, can you come to the beach with us? I want to show you this new move I can do on my boogie board.

No, honey. I have to finish writing these emails.

In that moment, I felt the cost of saying Yes.

I decided to tally up the time, the energy, the attention. It took me 2 hours of writing emails.
1 hour of setting up webpages.
2 hours of joint teaching.
And memories with my boys.

How many times was I saying Yes?
How many total hours was that costing me doing what was most important to me?

In that moment, I decided to find my Holy No, my sacred No, the one in service to my calling.

Not a negative, but a holy act.
I cancelled all my upcoming collaborations.
I cleared my 2021 calendar.

This month we are putting together our upcoming Woman Unleashed offerings for the year, but it is coming from devotion, from our inner Yes. It is coming from Holy S P A C E.




I’m inviting you to join me in the Holy No.
Here’s how:

1. Journal the following inquiry:
Where are you saying Yes where you need to tap into that inner sacred holy No?
What is your obligatory Yes costing you?
How would you feel if instead you helped and served out of devotion and love and not obligation?

2. Clear your calendar.
Go through your calendar and clear as much of your obligatory Yeses as possible. That will have a cost but weigh it against the cost of saying Yes.

By clearing my calendar, I had to reach out to a couple dear friends and tell them I wouldn’t be able to help. I went back on my word. It felt icky. But not doing my calling felt worse.

You can do it.

3. Celebrate.
It is no small thing to use the Holy No. You are doing what most can’t or won’t in devotion to your sacred service, to your creative calling, your spiritual path. I honor you sister.

Imagine a world where women served out of devotion and S P A C E. Imagine not feeling like you have to sacrifice your most holy, soulful pieces on the altar of making others like you or fitting in.

Let’s do it together.


❤️ Amber




Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici
Founder, Woman Unleashed